moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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