remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
