Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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