dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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