Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need a beard to bite.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
