she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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