I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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