looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
