btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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