New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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