I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
