those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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