Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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