why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
