All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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