Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
