did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
