Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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