i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
