Your face is a jimmy john
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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