I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Randomize
