you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
