Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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