dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
