my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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