i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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