Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
