well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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