My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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