my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
