Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
