Plan B is the new Plan A
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
