first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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