i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
