Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
