Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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