Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The adults are the big ones right?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
