My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
