hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
