1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
