she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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