it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
