Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
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Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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