Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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