i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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