I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
