ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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