I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
