did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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