just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
