I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
