You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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