I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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