is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
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He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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