i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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