I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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