So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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