Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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