Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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