absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
