I must be too annoying 4 u.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
