This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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