as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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