it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
