Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
