Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
