Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
