He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
