I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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