i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
