Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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