How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
