I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
