You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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