I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
