Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
