I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
